Bubby and Bean ::: Living Creatively: My Heart, My Love, My Essley

It's been about six months since the last post I did about Essley, and while I've made the decision to keep her off of the blog for the most part (which I've explained in detail before, but in short is to protect her from the big ol' internet, which at its worst can range from a straight up mean girl to creepy to even dangerous), it just felt like a good time to pay a quick tribute to my sweet tiny lady again. Now that she has a little brother coming (in just 4 months; yikes!), I feel like what already seemed like an infinitely intense love for her has grown exponentially. I can't really explain it. And perhaps it's irrational, but I worry a little that with a new baby she won't get enough attention anymore, or will feel abandoned, or will develop some deep-seated issue in that little brain of hers that she is no longer loved like she was before. Maybe some of you with more than one child can reassure me that these fears are common and that all will work out well? Or maybe this actually will be the case, and it's just part of growing a family, and we will learn and adjust. Regardless of the outcome, as excited as I am to watch her connect with a sibling and become the wonderful, nurturing big sister that I know she will be, there is an underlying anxiety that causes me to hug her extra tight these days. I may just love even more than I did before, which seems impossible, but feels quite real.

Essley Morgan is an affectionate, happy, curious, dramatic, funny, brave, smart, creative little girl. It's so easy for parents to brag about their kids, I know, and it's natural for us to think our kids are perfect - but man does she amaze me. She loves to dance, draw, read, run, play catch, sing, explore, dress up (anything that could be a potential bracelet is instantly on her arm), and hang out with other kids. She is not shy, although every now and then she'll become nervous around adult strangers, which I think is a good thing. Although she misses a few numbers, for the most part, she can count to 10, which makes her daddy and me swoon. She adores dogs (and all animals), being outside, music of all kinds, ice cream (the kid is her mother's daughter), swimming, airplanes ("a plane! a plane!"), the moon (she begs to go see it every night), flowers, bugs, books, and her beloved Elmo. She is still difficult at night (the kids hates sleep because she doesn't want to miss anything and I have accepted that this is just her personality, much like mine), but she is so easy when it comes to the everyday, as well as adapting to/enjoying new places and things. She teaches me more than any human ever has. I have learned how to re-appreciate the smallest of life's details because of her. She has even accomplished what I was certain was an unattainable feat - she has made me a morning person. It sounds so cheesy but sometimes I can't fall asleep at night because I'm so excited to get to wake up to her smile. It rules. Even the hard parts rule. All of it rules.

The photos above are some of my recent favorite shots of my Essley that I've captured with my phone. Maybe one of these days I'll post a short video so you can see her sparkling eyes and/or killer dance moves in action. In the meantime, thank you for letting me share this piece of my greatest love, even though this sharing is very few and far between. As I've said before, I couldn't possibly love her more.